7.1 Introduction
The speeches, readings and music are just some of the ways that the couple can really personalise their day.The couple will usually choose these things for themselves; however, it will be other people who read them. Usually, the couple will choose a relative, friend or special person to participate in this part of the wedding, and these people may or may not be a part of the wedding party.
So where do you come in as the couple’s wedding planner? You will fulfil two roles. You will often help the couple choose the readings and music. You may even be asked for advice on writing speeches if you are close to the couple. But on the day, you will help run the show.
You will help make sure the order of the day happens the way it should. You will encourage people when they experience nerves. You will help find the relevant people when it’s time to speak. You may even help cut short speeches that have gone awry.
In this module, you will learn more about what goes into the ceremony. You will also learn about common speeches, reading and music and how to help your clients make the best choices for their wedding.
7.2 Speeches
Most of the traditional speeches are given by the men in the party.There are three big speeches that most people look forward to: the best man speech, the father of the bride speech and the groom’s speech.
Traditional Order
The traditional running order of the speeches usually begins with the father of the bride. He will often speak before the dinner is served. He will traditionally welcome all of the guests to the reception. He might then talk about the happy couple and end the speech with a toast.
If there is no father of the bride, this slot is open. A bridesmaid, another member of the family or the bride herself, can speak on behalf of the father. Navigating this will be up to the couple.
Remember that this can be an emotional time for the bride and her family, especially if her father has recently passed away.
After the father of the bride speaks, the groom will usually give his speech. His speech starts after dinner. The groom will pick up where the father left off. Instead of thanking the guests for coming, the groom will acknowledge and thank everyone who made the day possible. He will often include something special about his wife. Traditionally, he will then toast the bridesmaids.
The groom is usually followed by the best man. The best man’s toast is infamous. The best man should be responding to the groom’s speech. He might start by congratulating the happy couple. Then, he will often talk about his relationship to the groom. Popular culture says that the best man will tell embarrassing stories, but this is not a requirement of the best man’s speech.
Writing the Speeches
Writing the speeches can be difficult and emotional. You will probably encounter many grooms with writer’s block during your career. As a wedding planner, you can offer advice and a basic structure for your clients. Although you cannot make up anecdotes, it does not hurt to watch the couple interact with each other during your meetings. When you can pick up on the subtleties of a couple, you can make small suggestions should a desperate groom come to you for help.
If you’re dealing with someone who cannot put a pen to paper, tell them to relax and just say thank you. All that is really required of any of these speeches is to thank the guests and the families and to toast the happy couple. The less pressure they feel, the easier it will be to add amusing anecdotes later.
Slideshows and Videos
Some people choose to create slideshows or videos to play instead of giving a speech. This works very well for multi-cultural weddings where not everyone speaks the same language. It is also great for a nervous speaker because they can convey their feelings without having to worry about saying the wrong thing.
If your clients choose to include multimedia speeches, you will need to make sure you have the appropriate A/V equipment in the reception venue.
You will also want to collect all of the speeches either before the ceremony or at the rehearsal dinner. Then, you can test them out before the delivery.
There’s nothing worse than a wedding video that will not load. Make sure you test (and retest) it before the reception begins.
FACT
Just over 1 in 5 (22.7%) brides now give a speech at their wedding
Source: hitched-wife.org7.3 Readings
The readings for the wedding will depend on the type of wedding you are planning for the couple.If the couple wants to have a civil ceremony, you won’t be allowed to include religious readings in the ceremony due to English law regarding civil ceremonies. If the couple wants to have a Christian wedding, but have been forced into a civil ceremony, you could ask them to save their religious readings for their reception or for another event.
If the wedding is for a traditional religious wedding, you may find that the readings are pre-chosen for you. This will depend on the church or officiant that you choose. Although it is not common, some churches may have a prescribed wedding programme for anyone who wants to be married there. In some cases, the couple will choose from a few passages of scripture to include in certain parts of their wedding.
For those with the freedom to choose, here are some of the different types of wedding readings that can be included in the ceremony.
Classic Readings
Classic wedding readings are tried and tested winners for a wedding ceremony. Some of them are secular readings while others are readings that come from a religious context, but do not mention religion specifically.
For a classic wedding reading, you will want to find a reading about love, marriage or friendship. When you are recommending readings, you might suggest that the couple chooses readings with different themes. If all the readings talk only about love, the ceremony will feel rather ‘love-heavy’ so to speak.
You may spend some time creating a book of classic, romantic wedding readings to show to clients. They may or may not choose to go with the readings from your book. At the very least, it will provide them with the information to find their own.
Literature and Poetry
Literature and poetry are two great places to look for wedding readings. This is especially true if the couple are big readers.
EE Cummings and Shakespeare are popular poets that are often quoted during wedding ceremonies. But, you can take passages from any book or poem, it does not need to be mainstream. If the couple or one member of the couple has a favourite writer, poet or book series, it is completely appropriate to use any relevant passages from these books.
Again, you might take some popular readings and combine them into a wedding readings book. It may inspire the couple to return to their own favourite novels to find new, personal quotes.
Funny Readings
For those couples with a lot of humour, there are also funny readings. These are especially popular if you are throwing an alternative wedding or a non-traditional wedding. Many of these couples do not want to have the same old wedding readings at their wedding.
Funny wedding readings are not like knock-knock jokes. Often, they are sweet poems that talk about the marriage or love as it really is, without the soppy, romantic language.
It will help you to familiarise yourself with these kind of wedding readings. It will help you recommend them should a couple ask.
7.4 Music
The music included in the wedding will be divided up into at least two parts.The first part will be the wedding ceremony itself. The second will include the reception and any other event that takes place after the ceremony.
Ceremony Music
When you are planning the ceremony music, you will usually need to plan for four different moments. You will need to plan music for the prelude while the guests are arriving. You will need to plan for the processional when the bridal party enters. You will then usually choose two to three songs to be played during the ceremony. Finally, you will find music for the recessional, to play as the guests leave the ceremony.
The music that is chosen for the wedding will usually depend upon the venue that you choose. If you are using a religious venue, you may be limited to what the church offers. Some churches will require you to book the church organist or piano player. They will make this clear when you are either booking the church or speaking to the officiant.
If you are not required to go with the church’s official music, you will often be able to choose between musicians.
First, you will have to choose the songs. In a civil ceremony, the songs will have to be secular. In a religious ceremony, you may be able to choose between religious music or secular music.
You will also have to choose between using the audio system, if available, or using live music.
Sometimes this decision will be made for you. If the client wants to use a Robbie Williams song in their ceremony, for instance, you will often have to use audio equipment.
If the client wants to use classical music or hymns, you can either use the venue’s musicians or you can hire some. You can hire musicians and singers to perform the music for the ceremony. If there is someone musical in the family, the couple may want to get them involved in this part of the ceremony.
Reception Music
The reception music will often either come from a DJ, a live band or a live orchestra, but it may come from a combination of these sources.
For example, the evening may start off with an orchestra during dinner, so that there is music happening in the background. Then, as the reception moves from dinner into a party, the tone may change and include a DJ so that there can be dancing.
In some cases, the couple may want to have a ceilidh. As a wedding planner in the UK, you will want to know of a great ceilidh band and a caller who can commit to weddings as you need them.
Extra Music
In some cases, the couple may want music during other parts of the day.
For example, a couple may want prelude music that is different from the ceremony music. You might hire a classical guitar player to play before the ceremony. You might also choose different songs for a pianist to play as people are entering the ceremony venue.
Some couples may also want traditional bagpipe music at their ceremony. This usually happens during the recessional, after the ceremony is over.
If there is a cocktail hour between the ceremony and the reception, you may want to book music for this period as well. Having music on in the background will help the time pass and encourage the party mood during the time when the couple and the wedding party are away.
Booking the Music
Musicians are like other vendors. It is always good to have a list of musicians that you work with regularly so that you can establish a trusting relationship with them. This will help you make recommendations and book musicians faster.
When choosing this music, you will often want to ask for an audition tape or references. Whether they are a wedding band, singer or DJ, it is good to know that they can do a great job and perform the kind of music desired by the couple.
If the couple wants to save a couple of pound somewhere, the music is actually a good place to do so. For those who don’t want to shell out for live music of any kind, you can always create playlists of music to be played for both the ceremony and the reception. All you need is an iPod and an audio system. But remember, you will also need someone to keep an eye on the music so that there is somebody to push ‘play’ at the right moments.
Module Summary
The speeches, readings and music are the parts that can make a wedding become very personal. Some clients will either choose or be forced into very traditional weddings depending on their religious beliefs and the venue they choose to be married in. Others will enjoy the freedom to choose whatever readings and music means the most to them.
There is a lot that goes into choosing these parts of the wedding so do not be surprised if the couple needs extra help here. It can be difficult to balance making personal decisions alongside trying to create the perfect ceremony.[Tweet “I just completed Module 7 of the Wedding Planning Course”]
